Mooney: Whoo! Up next we've got one hell of a match!
Zbyszko: I hope this match takes place in Hell.
Mooney: Well, this match came about because Ken War cost Mongo and Kevin Greene multiple contests, and their attempts to kill him have been thwarted time and time again. And, well, Razor Ramon had claimed that he started the nWo, but we ALL know that it was Scott Hall who started the nWo, and NOT Razor Ramon.
Zbyszko: Ramon will never truly master the Human Game of Chess.
Horowitz: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest IS scheduled for one inevitable death. First, from HELL... he weighs in at a random amount of weight because not all of it is there at once usually... he's coming out to a song by AC/DC... and he seems to be carrying his detached left arm with him... he is KEN WAR!
Ken War: hyeee!!1111 ey em kne wer & ey em hardkorr!11111
Zbyszko: I expect Ken War to die rather quickly in this contest.
So do I.
Horowitz: And his tag team partner, from Miami, Florida, weighing in at some amount of weight that I'm not presently clear on because the writer of this match was obviously too busy doing some other menial tasks to actually be bothered to check, he is obviously REALLY drunk, and he's RAZOR RAMON!
Zbyszko: Oh no. It's a microphone. Razor Ramon has a microphone. Who the hell gave HIM a microphone?
Razor: Hey, yo. Didja'll come to see... dubyaseedubya?
Razor Ramon: OR... OR... didja come to see... the n... W... o?
Razor Ramon: *looks around, then points at himself* One more... for the good guys!
This is a play on something Scott Hall always did in WCW. He would do that exact same sequence, and then regardless of fan reaction, he'd point to himself and declare that it was "one more for the good guys". I assume that the "good guys" in this case were the nWo.
Mooney: And Ramon just collapsed in the center of the ring!
Zbyszko: Stupid! Stupid, especially since I hear "Groove Is In The Heart" playing.
Mooney: And here come the nWo Elite!
Mooney: And there GO the nWo! Who is that man in the turban?
Iron Shiek: I am the Iron Shiek! I will defeat you a- HORK!
Mooney: Oh my! Ken War just put the Iron Shiek in the Camel Clutch!
This, I believe, is our Wrestlemania X-7 parody, as at the end of the Iron Shiek's victory in the Gimmick Battle Royal, Sgt. Slaughter promptly put him in the cobra clutch. I think, in this case, though, it was the camel clutch simply because you can't exactly put a guy in the cobra clutch with only one arm.
Ken War: Kamra man ZOOOOOOOM hardkorr!11111
Zbyszko: Look at that! No psychology at all! Ken War is just holding onto his head with the only arm he has attached to his body, and... OH MY GOD!
Styles: *from offscreen* That's my line!
That's not Joey Styles, but a parody of Giles based on Joey Styles.
Zbyszko: The Iron Shiek just RIPPED Ken War's OTHER arm off!
Mooney: Give him a hand!
Zbyszko: Mooney. That was so very, very horrible.
That's the kind of joke my dad makes. He makes horrible puns that I usually hit him for making.
Ken War: haaayyy!!11 det wuz kender hardkorr!!111
Iron Shiek: RUAHH~!
Zbyszko: And now Iron Shiek is leaving the ring, waving around the arm of Ken War frantically for some reason!
Mooney: What's the Referee doing?
Referee: Congratulations, you two just won the award for "Most Pathetic Wrestlers On The Roster" for being thrown out of the ring by a man who wore a rag on his head and managed to fall victim to a Ken War camel clutch. Here's your trophy.
Mongo: *wipes tear from eye* This's the best thing since I was a Horseman, bay-ba yeah!
Greene: GRRRUFF! RUFF!
Zbyszko: Oh, for the love of God. Kevin Greene is humping the trophy.
Mooney: This shall live in history as one of the greatest moments in wrestling history.
When in the hell did I write Mooney as Tony Schiavone?!
Zbyszko: You are an idiot.
Ramon: *hazilly* Hey, yo, chico, can I see that for a moment?
Mongo: Um, okay, bay-ba.
Mongo: Hey! You just collapsed and broke our damn trophy! Now I'm gonna have to hurt you!
This is our Wrestlemania IV parody. Bret Hart and Bad News Brown were the last two men in the opening battle royale. Brown turned on Bret by hitting him with the Ghetto Blaster and throwing him out of the ring, and Bret, being a sore loser, took out his frustrations by breaking the trophy that Brown won for winning.
Ken War: haaayyy!!11 wat r u doen weth mi lags??/// tis es nto hardko--
Zbyszko: My god, Mongo just used Ken War as a foreign object, and now he's all splattered and stuff. I think I need to change my suit.
I think I always had this as the finish, because the idea of one human being using another human being/zombie as a foreign object is always funny to me.
Mooney: Ken War IS apparently from Hell, so I guess that would be accurate. But now Razor's out on the mat, either from Ken War being blasted over his skull or from being drunk, and now Mongo's pinning Razor!
Zbyszko: And this atrocity of a match is over. Next?
RENNER: This is the World's Most Overbooked Match. It was to declare the first "Sphere Tag Champions".
Mooney: Well, folks, up next is our big-time Sphere Tag Titles matchup! Mega Job have been feuding with Janitors Seven & Eleven for quite some time now, while Reginald VelJohnson & Lawrence Taylor were placed in this match just because Sphere doesn't like the other teams.
Zbyszko: I don't like the other teams, either. Can I give the Minnesota Wrecking Crew a call?
Mooney: Also, Sphere was originally scheduled to be the fourth team in this match, but because Steve & Oddjob were able to render all the other teams unconscious on Saturday Afternoon's Curtain Jerker one month ago, he let them take his spot, as he has other matters to attend to.
Yes, Steve kicked the crap out of everyone with a stepladder.
Zbyszko: Yeah, like give me a paycheck! It's about time I got some recognition around here.
Mooney: Nevertheless, this is destined to be one for the record books!
Zbyszko: As what? The most hideously over-booked matchup in wrestling history? The human game of chess has never been so confusing.
Mooney: Oh yeah, and joining us for commentary to FURTHER confuse our fans are Mikey Styles and David Flair!
Styles: OH MY GOD!
Flair: Um. Hi. *waves*
We know who Styles is. As for David Flair, he was brought in to be the replacement "Commentator" for Styles during the feud with Nowell and Krueger that involved Sarah the Jobber Slayer.
Zbyszko: Styles, always a pleasure. Flair, why haven't you gotten cancer, yet?
Zbyszko hates David Flair immediately.
Mooney: No time for small-talk, here's Horowitz for the announcement.
Barry Horowitz: This contest IS scheduled for a massive clusterfuck and overbooking! Introducing first, our judges! First, he's a vampire with a puppy, and his name happens to be ANGEL!
Adam Nowell: Blah blah blah, whatamIdoinghere... man, even MY lines are getting predictable around here.
Horowitz: Next... nobody really cares about him, so give it up for JACKHAMMER!
Jackhammer: I wonder if it's a bad thing when even Barry Horowitz says that I don't matter.
Horowitz: Finally, he's a megalomaniac with an army of evil German peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He's currently participating in a ritual to transform himself into pure jobber, the date of its completion is convieniently placed on the Saturday Afternoon Curtain Jerker that takes place AFTER WrestleActionZone. He is currently accompanied to the ring by Eliza "the Jobber Slayer", he's big, he's evil, he's German, and he's HANS KRUEGER!
Nowell: What the hell? How did YOU get a bigger introduction than anyone else here?
Krueger: I have mine connektions.
Horowitz: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest IS STILL scheduled for what has to be the most hideously overbooked contest since the last WWE main event, and it is for the SPHERE TAG TEAM TITLES! The rules are simple. Rather than let this match end in a boring pinfall, our judges will score our competitors based on five different categories: Hair Care, Fashion, Spots, Coffee-Making Skills, and the most important of all, Style.
Nowell: You're KIDDING. HAIR CARE?! FASHION!? What is this, modeling school?
Only in fWEo where a match can be judged in categories that have little to nothing to do with wrestling.
Horowitz: I never kid. ANYWAY, introducing first... they're a couple of guys from Beefville who get their jollies in fighting such criminals as the Electric Boogaloo... ladies and gentlemen, they are MEGA JOB: THE EPIC TAG TEAM!
Styles: Indeed, that is "Super Bon Bon" playing...
Zbyszko: I'm so thrilled that they decided not to go with the Ricky Martin song.
Mooney: Which is unfortunate, since I wanted to shake my tush for the second straight PPV.
Flair: Me too!
Mooney & Flair: *white boy high-five*
Styles: OH MY GOD! Mooney found his eternal gay soulmate!
I've never been a Sean Mooney fan, and was even less of a David Flair fan. Seemed perfectly natural that they'd get along.
Beef: Damn, Janito, looks like you're out of luck there for your potential lover. If Steve were here, we'd laugh at you.
El Janito: Do shut up, Pokeboy.
Horowitz: Next up... they're ALSO from Beefville, except that they're probably better fighters than anyone else in this match and if this were under normal circumstances, they'd probably win this match based on their talent and workrate! Ladies and gentlemen, they are STEVE AND ODDJOB!
Beef: Hiya, Steve!
Beef: Say, the Janitors and I were thinking about going on another big camping trip after this show to the Lost Forest of No Return. Wanna come?
Despite the fact that they've feuded for MONTHS, Mega Job and the Janitors are under the impression that they're bestest friends ever. That being said, I believe the Janitors disappeared after this show in my attempts to lower the amount of characters I was responsible for in fWEo.
Horowitz: Next... they're apparently from Nevada, except it's not Las Vegas so nobody gives a flying hell. They REALLY suck and one of them says "meaniehead" a lot. Ladies and gentlemen, they are the ELITE JANITOR SQUAD OF DESTRUCTION AND CLEANLINESS!
Styles: OH MY GOD!
Styles: Don't give me that look, cheeky boy. Go back to pounding Mooney.
Flair: Poun-- what?
Janitor Seven: Man, all those people... that's the most people I've ever seen in a fWEo show!
Janitor Eleven: Shut the meaniehead up and let's go.
Horowitz: And now, as we see who is apparently Salt N' Pepa take the stage, I think we know what we're parodying here. And yes, they ARE singing "Whatta Man", and yes, they ARE Reginald VelJohnson and Lawrence Taylor, and yes, they ARE wearing togas for some god-forsaken reason... I'm going to go clean my brain of this image, now.
I thought I'd kill both of my parodies at once here. The first parody is Salt N' Pepa's appearance, which is from Wrestlemania XI, at what I assume was the height of their relevance. The second parody are the team's togas, which is from Wrestlemania IX. I had the toga idea for a while, but since I got stuck with Wrestlemania XI in the parody list, I had to pretty much blow through both of them at once.
VelJohnson: Why, yes... yes, I am a man, and I must be some kind of man.
LT: They're refering to me.
Mooney: And now I am shaking my tush to the rap beat!
Zbyszko: This can hardly be construed as a "beat". And stop shaking your ass, you look like Wahoo McDaniel when I'm not kicking his ass.
Flair: I'm shaking my tush, too!
Styles: OH MY GOD. This is like the most homoerotic match in fWEo history! And it hasn't even STARTED!
Mooney: Now it has!
Zbyszko: Shut up.
Mooney: We're about to see some tremendous high-flying between arguably two of the greatest stars in the fWEo, today, who will no doubt ASTOUND us with their spots.
Zbyszko: Oddjob and Reginald VelJohnson are starting the match, Mooney.
Oddjob is a stepladder. Reginald VelJohnson is Carl Winslow from Family Matters. Neither of them are particularly known for flying around a wrestling ring.
Mooney: I know, can you believe it?
VelJohnson: Hey, bro, I need to start this match off with the right move. I hope you don't mind.
Keep in mind, VelJohnson just did a Spinnarooni parody WHILE WEARING A TOGA.
I'll let you realize what this entails, and there's a vomit bag that's magically next to you when you've figured it out.
Mooney: That was a fantastic VelJohnson-A-Rooni!
Styles: Mooney, I don't know how it happened, but I now, like, have, OH MY GOD... negative respect for you.
Zbyszko: I'm mentally scarred from seeing the VelJohnson-A-Rooni while he's wearing a toga. Has he ever heard of underwear?!
Nowell: Right. That's a -10 for EVERYTHING for you, you bastard.
Jackhammer: I am in agreement, except on the subject of Style, which I'll give you a 10 for, as you did a good job with the VelJohnson-A-Rooni despite being hindered by the toga. I would like to mention that if Albert were black, he'd be mistaken for you.
Krueger: Jou made mine zome good coffee in ze back, mine comrade. I give jou a five in zat azpect, unt a zix in ze skillz, which are quite mad. Zeros for everyzing else.
Nowell: You're babying him.
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: -10.0; Jackhammer: -6.0; Krueger: 2.2
Reginald VelJohnson's Total: -13.8
Rather generous given that he got negative ten in all accounts the very next year.
VelJohnson: Aw, man.
VelJohnson: You laughin' at me?
I'd almost consider *this* a Wrestlemania 21 parody two years in advance! Except, of course, that the Taxi Driver parody wasn't technically a part of the show.
VelJohnson: I'd take offense, but I just did my single good move, so I guess I should tag someone else in.
Styles: OH MY GOD! VelJohnson just tagged in... uh. Janitor Seven.
Seven: Noooo! Why'd you tag me into a match with Oddjob!? WHY?!
I have no idea why David Flair said "flowers" other than for comedic value.
Styles: OH MY GOD. I've never, ever, in my many years of doing parody entertainment, seen a stepladder execute a cartwheel into a flying headscissors turned into a DDT before. EVER!
Nowell: *glares at his tequila*
Krueger: *glares at his Beck's*
Flair: Hey, Krueger and Angel aren't voting!
Mostly because they're too busy wondering if they hallucinated that.
Nowell: Shut up, and for the love of GOD, stop your infernal tush-shaking, Salt N' Pepa left about two minutes ago.
Jackhammer: Ah, yes, that was a most excellent wrestling maneuver, though it is somewhat marred by Janitor Seven's decision to sell his nuts instead of his head. Plus, Oddjob has never given me coffee and he has no hair. So, my scores are: 6 for Fashion, 0 for Hair Care, 10 for Spot, 0 for Coffee-Making Skills, and a big fat 10 for Style.
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: 0.0; Jackhammer: 5.2; Krueger: 0.0
Oddjob's Total: 5.2
Zbyszko: This would, of course, mean that the Oddjob/Steve team is in the lead. Not that it matters.
Mooney: Of course it matters! The Sphere Tag Titles are a valuable championship here in the fWEo.
Flair: Hey, that stepladder guy...
Flair: Yeah... he just tagged in the guy with the bad hairdo.
Zbyszko: I'd rather be playing golf.
Beef: WHOO, YEAH~!
Zbyszko: Oh, for the love of God, is he trying for the Epic Beef Drop already?
Styles: OH MY GOD! He IS! He's off the ropes! He's hopping! He's doing the Macarena! Now he's doing the ROBOT for some reason... and now the CHARLESTON! ...SNOOPY DANCE!
*Everyone in the arena... except Nowell and Jackhammer... does the Snoopy Dance*
Styles: OH MY GOD! HE MISSED THE LEGDROP!
Zbyszko: I. Am. In. Shock.
No he's not.
Nowell: My intelligence was just lowered by that farce that seriously made Wretch's Ratings Saver Legdrop look like a credible finisher, and made the People's Elbow into the greatest thing since sliced bread. Plus, your hair sucks. -10 to everything, because YOU suck.
Jackhammer: I was with you until you did the Snoopy Dance. Then I sort of lost the "hip vibe", as you younger people would say. I give you 3 for Style on the Charleston, but your coffee stinks(0 to Coffee), you missed the legdrop(0 to Spot), your hair is ATROCIOUS(-5 to Hair), and nobody in their right mind would probably wear that bodysuit(-10 to Fashion).
Krueger: I, on ze other hand, zink zat hiz fashion sense waz phenominal, unt hiz hair was off ze charts. It is therefore determined zat he gets ten to Fashion, eight for ze Hair, two for ze Coffee, five for ze Spot, and nine for ze Style.
Nowell: Krueger, I suggest switching your brand of beer.
Jackhammer: I agree. Might I suggest Heineken?
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: -10.0; Jackhammer: -2.4; Krueger: 6.8
Beef's Total: -5.6
Zbyszko: So far, the only person who's gained a positive score is Oddjob. He truly is a King in the Human Game of Chess.
Flair: The Human Game of Cheese?
Flair: Ow! You hit me! You hit me right in the nose! And it HURTS!
I meant to mention this during the Summer Slaughter fWEo show, but that joke comes from Austin Powers.
Mooney: Janitor Seven finally rolls over, and he tags in Janitor Eleven! Janitor Eleven looks to be going for one of those spectacular high-flying maneuvers that he's quite known for!
Zbyszko: WHICH Janitor Eleven are you refering to? The one who just tripped and landed CROTCH-FIRST on the BOTTOM ROPE!?
Nowell: Hey, that was kinda funny. For once, I'll just go with all zeroes instead of all negative tens.
Jackhammer: Truly an ungraceful maneuver. Though I give you props for having the balls to perm your hair. 2 for the Hair, 0 for everything else.
Krueger: Zut! Ze perm is an outrage, zou fool! I zhall offset zour 2 with a negative two, and give heem all zeroes for everyzing else!
Jackhammer: That was really quite unnecessary.
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: 0.0; Jackhammer: 0.4; Krueger: -0.4
Janitor Eleven's Total: 0.0
Styles: So, with half of every team judged, the team of Oddjob and Steve have the lead, while, OH MY GOD, the team of VelJonhson and LT are way behind.
Zbyszko: And it looks like Steve is jumping into the ring to kick off his team's offense, and yes... yes, I guess he's looking to hit the Clothesline From Shanghai on Beef... but he MISSED!
Styles: OH MY GOD!
Mooney: Dude, he just hit you, Styles.
Yes, Steve actually misses Beef so badly that he hits somebody on the outside of the ring, sitting at the commentary table. I don't even let Steve do anything that grossly incompetent any more, because he's usually the only competent member of Mega Job.
*Styles falls over*
Nowell: What in the blue hell was that? Not ONLY did you MISS your target and hit someone not even in the ring, you're also wearing BELLBOTTOMS. You get all negative tens on that one.
Jackhammer: I am in full agreement, once again, with Mr. Angel. Bellbottoms were out of style long before even hitting announcers was. Plus, Styles is a good gentlemen and did not deserve to be treated in such a manner. All negative tens.
Krueger: Zut. Ze heeting of ze Styles wuz amuzing to me. 10 for Spot. Zeroes for everyzing else.
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: -10.0; Jackhammer: -10.0; Krueger: 2.0
Steve's Total: -18.0
Jackhammer: Killing us will not affect our judgements.
Styles: Ugh... ow... OH MY GOD, the pain...
Zbyszko: That was totally not cool.
What a very un-Zbyszko-like thing for him to say.
Flair: Um, yeah.
Mooney: That HAD to ruin the Steve/Oddjob team's chances of winning this match.
Styles: I, uh... hope... it did. Ow.
Mooney: Beef's tagged in El Janito, so let's see what he'll do with Steve.
Zbyszko: Let's not. We all know that El Janito is as gay as Mooney and Flair, anyway. Who knows what might happen.
Janito: I'm SO bloody sick of EVERYONE accusing me of gay! What, you people laugh at me just because I bloody act all high and mighty and British? You're all a bunch of sodding twats who get off on making gay jokes to hide the bloody fact that you can't even get laid! Heck, if I weren't so bloody busy about to botch my next spot, I'd give you all a right thrashing!
It's nice to know that Janito is, by all accounts, going into this knowing full well he's going to botch.
Nowell: *cupping his hands and shouting* YOU'RE STILL GAY!
What a very Nowell-like thing for him to say.
Janito: Bloody hell!
Nowell: In fact, for that completely self-serving and utterly ridiculous speech that you used just to avoid the subject of you being gay, you get negative tens for everything except Coffee Making, as I admit that your coffee making skills are the best in this sad excuse for a federation, and therefore you get a 10 for that. Also, you admitted that you were going to botch your next spot, so I figure I'd save you the trouble.
Jackhammer: Though I'm not giving you negative tens for everything like Angel is, I would like to compliment your coffee skills.
I think that means he agrees.
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: -6.0; Jackhammer: 2.0; Krueger: 2.0
El Janito's Total: -2.0
El Janito: Bloody hell!
LT: You think you're mad? I haven't done anything since this match STARTED.
Beef: Ah, the sacrifices to be made in a match that has fifteen different personalities all involved.
Zbyszko: Shut your piehole, you pawn in the human game of chess! You're not even worthy enough to carry my golf clubs!
Nowell: Zbyszko gets five points just for insulting David Flair.
Jackhammer: Aren't you abusing your po--
Nowell: Shut up, Jackhammer. David Flair is worthy of being insulted.
Krueger: Zut. David Vlair jokes were ZO three years ago.
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: 5.0; Jackhammer: 0.0; Krueger: 0.0
Larry Zbyszko's Total: 5.0
Zbyszko: Haha! Take that, Bockwinkel!
I'm pretty sure Bockwinkel doesn't care.
Styles: OH MY GOD! Larry Zbyszko scored in this match and he isn't even a participant! What the hell is wrong with you fWEo people?
Nowell: I just don't like David Flair.
Beef: Man. Seven, where are you? We need to do that one spot we were meaning to do!
Seven: Sorry... still... selling... DDT...
Mooney: Seven's tenaciously trying to get up now, and... he falls right at Beef's feet, headbutting him right in the shin!
Jackhammer: That was an interesting tactical maneuver, but once again, it's marred by a lack of selling. Plus, I'm not drinking YOUR coffee, Mr. Holds His Crotch All The Time.
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: -8.5; Jackhammer: 2.0; Krueger: 1.0
Janitor Seven's Total: -5.5
LT: Looks like it's time for my Super Bowl Comeback!
Mooney: Yes, we're down to one more person to be judged, and that's LT. If LT doesn't score eight or more points with this next spot, then the Elite Janitor Squad of Destruction of Cleanliness will win the Sphere Tag Titles!
LT: VelJohnson! What are you doing?
VelJohnson: I thought I'd try the VelJohnson-A-Rooni again. I think I could really stop the show with it.
Nowell: You'd stop the show all right... because everyone would get sick.
Jackhammer: How come you're getting more snappy lines than I am?
Nowell: Why don't you read the writing credits for this match?
Much as I love Jackhammer, Nowell was pretty much my go-to guy for bitingly sarcastic remarks, so he got more of the snappy lines in this match.
Jackhammer: Yes, perhaps I might do that.
LT: HERE GOES! FLYING TENSEIKEN!
I have NO idea why he shouted that, because that's something Codemaster would do.
Yeah, that's a game reference. Grandia II, in fact.
Beef: Flying TenseiWHAT? What the he-- *SMACK!*
Styles: OH MY GOD! LT just hit Beef AND El Janito with the Elbow of Death! Amazing!
Mooney: It's all up to the judges, here!
Nowell: Hmm. Good form... but was that supposed to be a forearm?
Nowell: Well, you might get ten for style, but the next time you try a forearm, you should try making it look less like an elbow. And calling it the "Elbow of Death" probably won't help matters. And your coffee sucks.
Jackhammer: You have fine apparel, Mr. Taylor, though the style and spot was a bit lacking.
Krueger: *passes out from the alcohol*
Cheap On-Screen Number Chart: Nowell: 5.1; Jackhammer: 3.5; Krueger: 0.0
Lawrence Taylor's Total: 8.6
Styles: OH MY GOD!
Zbyszko: Oh my god would be most accurate.
Janitor Seven: I, uh, don't know what the stepladder said, but I agree.
Anywhere but fWEo, this would be a statement considered to be insane.
Horowitz: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the Sphere Tag Titles... with a score of negative five point two... Reginald VelJohnson and Lawrence Taylor!
VelJohnson: Whoowhoowhoo! I know just how to celebrate, too!
LT: Wait, no! Don't do it again!
LT: Aw, hell, NONE of us needed to see that ever.
Styles: Well. That was fun. Except for the unneeded amount of man meat in this match. I'm leaving. Zbyszko, always a pleasure to work with you. Flair, Mooney... I hope you both give each other AIDS.
Mooney: I still love you! Byebye!
As mentioned in the WAZ2 commentary, this is from that annoying girl from Animaniacs.
Zbyszko: Hey, where did David Flair go?
Flair: AH! DON'T KILL ME!
Zbyszko: Oh well, not like any of it matters. We ALL know who really won this match.
Nowell: You do realize, Krueger, that I still owe you an ass-kicking, right?
Krueger: Zut! It von't be tonight.
Nowell: Why not? It's the biggest blowoff show in this stupid company.
Krueger: Zis iz vhy.
Nowell: Aw, man. Warrior just called, he wants his royalty check.
Jackhammer: Wow. This was completely idiotic. Why was I even asked to do this, again?
Jackhammer: Oh, right. Because I don't matter. Oh well.